Taking a balanced approach when stuff doesn't feel good

I’m so passionate about advocating an all-embracing approach to fostering wellbeing. For me, an all-embracing approach involves engaging our mind, our emotions, our body and our spirit.

I had an opportunity to put this into practice recently, although it didn’t feel like an “opportunity” at the time… A few difficult things had happened, but I was doing ok. Then an event on Tuesday evening tipped me over the edge.  I could hardly speak. I managed to complete my nighttime routine, and even got some precious sleep, but I was wide awake and unhappy by 5am.

Having long realised that, for me, there is no point lying in bed when I’m clearly not going to re-enter the glorious Land of Nod, I reluctantly dragged my weary bones out of bed and came downstairs for a ridiculously early breakfast. I got some admin done and even did some present shopping to distract myself.

That distraction was helpful for a while, but it was clear that all was not right when Dear Hubby came into the room a couple of hours later. He was blinking the sleep out of his eyes and sat down to spend some quality time with his wife, but I could hardly say a word to him. I did the best I could to explain to him that this wasn’t about him. I was pretty sure he already knew this – after twenty years of marriage, one starts to pick up on the other person’s tells…!

I couldn’t wallow. Our car had been in for its annual service the day before and needed one more bit of work done today when the part was due to arrive at the garage. Dear Hubby had done the honours yesterday, and today was my turn. Given that we live remotely, this involves driving to the car garage and then staying put until the work is finished.

The day before had been cold but often sunny – lucky Hubby!  This day had a less auspicious forecast – rain, rain, rain until mid-morning or thereabouts. What’s a girl to do in those circumstances?  In my case, wrap myself up in waterproofs so that I could wander outside and stay dry…

I was grumpy as I got ready, but I got there eventually and dropped the car off at the garage. They’d finish it as quickly as they could, the mechanic said sympathetically, looking at me all waterproofed up as the raindrops fell.

I walked off into town and passed the only café that’s open at this time of year. I have to be very honest with you – it looked very welcoming inside and I was SO tempted by the idea of a traditional Scottish fried breakfast at this point.

However, although part of me was advocating strongly for sidling into the warm and cosy interior, I knew deep down that I needed to do something different. Very different. That small voice of my intuition was making itself heard and, luckily for me, I was quiet enough to be able to hear it.

I often talk about the need to have a Wellbeing Toolbox which addresses the needs of our minds, our emotions, our body, and our spirit. Well, in that moment, I put this into practice almost on autopilot.

First off, I knew I needed to take a walk. In spite of the rain – which, thankfully, wasn’t quite as drenching as it could have been. And in spite of my tiredness, having not slept well – I didn’t win any awards for speed, but I got moving, and that’s all that mattered. Exercise is naturally beneficial for our mental health in a number of ways, and I also find it rather meditative to go walking and have something to ponder as I wander.

So what did I ponder during this wet walk? Well, firstly, I knew I needed to recognise and honour my emotions, rather than getting frustrated by them. I was feeling incredibly low, unbelievably swamped by negativity even though I knew in my heart of hearts that this feeling was exaggerated. But that didn’t matter – it was still a valid feeling, and it was good for me to accept that I was feeling it.

Then I got curious, engaging that grey matter of mine, my mind. Why was I feeling this way? Well, it turned out that I thought the event of the previous evening had tipped me over the edge all by itself. But that didn’t really make sense – after all, it wasn’t that big a deal. Then it hit me – that event was actually the last in a long line of events which had a particular theme. I’d been resilient for a while, but this last event tipped me into desolation. So it wasn’t really about that event, it was about the theme…

And even then, the next step was for me to try to reframe how I was thinking about the theme. It wasn’t really as black-and-white as I was thinking it as. It was actually a more complex story, which was far less about me than I was imagining – in fact, it was probably not really about me at all...  It took me a while to pick through my well-worn thought patterns and identify all of this, but I felt much calmer when I did.

Finally, I brought spirit into the equation. I prayed about how I was feeling – not eloquently, but the prayer was said, and luckily I don’t believe God worries too much about how well we express ourselves! Then I asked for some guidance about how to proceed with my shorter and longer term plans.

Here's a pic of me once I'd got my mojo back a bit...

That’s when I got into the realm of future possibilities and opportunities. I sent myself a bunch of voice notes as I persevered in the rain.

I’m not going to lie and say that I was totally restored at the end of this process – but I was in a more balanced state, and ready to keep moving forward and take action in the areas where I have the power to do so.

I like to achieve things, but I’m less bothered about accomplishments than I used to be. What I want to be able to say about my life is that I keep moving forwards the best way I can, towards my vision and in line with my values. And I commit my journey to the universe.

At the end of the day, that is really the most I can be expected to do.

The process of restoring ourselves when we feel low or discouraged won’t be the same for everyone, at it may not even be the same for you on different occasions.  That’s why it’s really beneficial to explore and practise wellbeing techniques to see what works for you, and in what kind of situations. Then you can be ready to deploy those techniques when you need them. Even if you don’t really feel like it at the time, Future You will thank you for it!

If you're interested to expand your repertoire of wellbeing techniques, why not take a look at the "Your Wellbeing Toolbox" section at https://www.damselnotindistress.co.uk/offerings? There you'll find some bite-sized courses which can help you with just that!