The Damsel's Christmas Diary Part Five: Focusing on the good stuff!

I don’t know about you, but my brain definitely has a tendency to focus a little too much on the negative things in life – stuff that gets under my skin for one reason or another and makes it hard for me to properly relax and enjoy myself. Sometimes, I can even find that I’m chastising myself for not enjoying myself enough, for letting what should be a great event slip through my fingers because I’m not happy for some reason. Now THAT quickly becomes a pretty steep downward spiral…

So, as we rapidly approach the peak of the festive season, I wanted to share a couple of ways in which we can choose to focus more on the positive. This is absolutely not to downplay the difficult things that we may be facing – and these techniques may not be suitable for everyone in all circumstances – but, as a general rule, they help us to elevate our overall experience of life.

Cultivating awe

We had a spell of really good weather up here in NW Scotland a few weeks ago. Clear skies, no rain, light winds – but bitterly, bitterly cold. One freezing Sunday morning, the alarm went off at 6:30am to rouse my husband and me for a winter walk – and, I have to tell you, it wasn’t easy for us to leave the comfy, soft warmth of bed and get ourselves and all our walking paraphernalia ready. However, if we wanted to enjoy the full seven hours of daylight between sunrise and sunset this close to the winter solstice, this was what needed to happen.

Our diligence was worth it. It was a day full of awe and wonder!! We didn’t walk quickly, and in fact we shortened our route half way through so we could spend more time pausing to enjoy ourselves along the way. The very low temperatures had turned this lovely corner of the Scottish Highlands into a veritable winter wonderland, a magical ice kingdom!

We set off before the sun had risen. The normally muddy glen track was frozen solid, and all the “ordinary” grasses were adorned with incredibly detailed, intricate frost formations. We had to watch our step, as there was so much thick ice on the path – but that was ok with us, it just encouraged us to slow down a bit compared to our usual striding pace, and enjoy the bright white beauty all around us.

Then the sun started to peek over the hills behind us. We agreed that this is our favourite time in the hills. Around dawn, there is a special orange light which cloaks the hills and drapes us in a warm calmness, even when the air is freezing. Everything is still, the world is just waking up, and the sun announces its presence in a way which is both boldly radiant and gloriously gentle. It is a wonderful time to be outside.

We worked our way up to the top of the glen, to the bealach (dip) between two hills. A normally peaty, boggy area was also transformed – little plants looking like tiny, frosted trees growing out of a glassy surface! Then we reached a wonderful viewpoint. The peat hags in the bealach had huge, glistening icicles hanging off them – they looked incredible against the backdrop of the frosty hills and cliffs behind them, and they felt strong and smooth. They were enormous and we marvelled at how they had been created as water dripped down over time and froze as it fell – what a natural wonder!

Then we headed up the north side of the hill we planned to climb. We followed a small stream to begin with. Now, normally this would be a nice stream but probably not something that you would spend much time looking at as you trudged past. On this day, it was completely different – mind-blowing ice formations had formed all the way up this unassuming stream, transforming it into a glittering ice sculpture park! There were icicles which spread out at the bottom just where the water was flowing. There were pyramids of ice which had formed around one solitary blade of grass. There were round, frozen baubles and so many other shapes besides.

Finally, as we reached the upper slopes of the hill, it was as though we were walking on diamonds. I’m not sure exactly how they formed – it wasn’t snow, but perhaps hail had fallen at this height and then been frozen into breathtaking, perfectly formed hexagonal pieces. They fell apart somewhat when we tried to pick them up, although they still looked gorgeous. It almost felt criminal to step on them!

I have to be honest, I was like a toddler on this walk, stopping to stare at things all the time. We did not make quick progress! I just kept finding new wonderments to marvel at, to describe, to photograph, to gently touch. I noticed lots of little details which required forensic attention to be found – for example, one of the ice sculptures which had formed around a single blade of grass contained a line of bubbles falling down from the top of the blade, trapped amidst the surrounding ice. It was delicate and awe inspiring – how had that happened, I mused?

One of the things which makes hillwalks so special is their transitory nature. You can spend so much time and energy trekking to a distant peak, and it’s so thrilling when you arrive that you just want to stay forever. But you can only stay for a short time. The view isn’t yours to keep, it’s yours to experience for a short while. You can hold it in your heart forever if you wish, but your boots have to carry you safely home long before you want to depart from that special place.

That day, the sense of the transitory nature of what we were experiencing was all the more heightened by the knowledge that this cold snap would not last for long. And when the temperatures inevitably rose, even just by a few degrees, all this frosty and icy beauty would melt away.

I think we could all do with more awe and wonder in our lives. Sometimes that may involve going to a stunning location and drinking it in – and that’s amazing! But I think we can access awe and wonder more often, in our regular, day-to-day lives. There are so many incredible things around about us, both natural and manmade, both large and small. We can experience awe and wonder by appreciating these incredible things. Perhaps by really looking at them and appreciating how amazing they are, exploring details we normally skate over. Or perhaps by learning more about how something in the world works, and how wondrous that is! I can experience a true sense of awe and wonder by learning more about the universe, the galaxies, stars and planets, for example.  We are important – but we are also very, very small in the grand scheme of things! Or I can experience awe and wonder by examining the intricate details of a flower, noticing the symmetry of the petals alongside the colours, aroma and feel. How did such a beautiful plant come to be?

And in fact, recent work by scientists found that it is great actions by our fellow human beings which instil the most awe in us – whether that be acts of courage and kindness, or overcoming powerful obstacles in life, or incredible talents of various kinds. I know that I can be particularly inspired by stories of people overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds to achieve something incredible!

There is so much that is difficult in our world, much of it man made. But there is also much to inspire us. I think experiencing awe and wonder more often is about cultivating the attitude and taking more time to notice. This replenishes us, giving us joy and enabling us to navigate the more mundane parts of our lives.

The human capacity for awe and wonder is indeed a beautiful, precious gift – let’s treasure it!

Savouring the good stuff in life!

Another thing we can do is to really savour the good stuff that we have in our lives. This is not necessarily about the awe-inspiring things we were just contemplating, but about all of the genuinely good things that we experience on an everyday basis. These may be smaller individually but, when added together, they can look pretty impressive!

A significant problem that we humans have is focusing too much on negative things, and letting the positive things in life just slide on by without enough recognition. This all stems from our survival instincts – in a nutshell, it’s more important for our survival to be alert to potential danger, because it has the potential to seriously harm us.

However, if we take the time to savour the good things, we reap more benefits from them – isn’t that wonderful?!  But there’s a catch – we generally need to develop this skill, learning to savour good things and even actively search out more positive experiences to enjoy!

Here’s an excerpt from my book, Reclaiming Christmas, in which I talk about some of my experiences of intentionally savouring the good stuff last year:

“One day in mid-December when I was feeling a little blue, I reset myself with a restorative, gentle walk and came back resolving to focus on the positive. I made myself a winter spiced hot chocolate to accompany me as I finished reading a book. Instead of just gulping it down without thinking about it as I often do, I savoured the milky, chocolatey taste of the drink, really giving myself time to feel the spicy warmth of it. I noticed the warmth of the cup as I cradled it in my two hands. I loved the fuzzy robin on the mug I had chosen. I revelled in my glasses steaming up as I lifted the mug to my lips. I then allowed myself to indulge in a few luxury chocolates that we only buy at this time of year. Again, rather than devouring them as my craving would so often lead me to do, I bit into them slowly, relishing the contrasts of the crunch and the smoothness, the caffeine hit and the strawberry tang, the sharp and mellow flavours.

Later that day, my husband and I had a little party together. He lit a fire in the open fireplace, we danced to groovy Christmas tunes, and we tried a new Christmas activity – reading a Christmas story aloud by candlelight. I loved watching the flames flicker as we read from JRR Tolkien’s Letters from Father Christmas – delightful letters he wrote for his children from Santa, with particularly amusing anecdotes of his supposed helper Polar Bear causing various mishaps! I adored the hypnotising fire with red-hot glowing wood, and I had a hands-down fantastic evening with my best friend.”

In conclusion

I do hope this blog has given you some ideas for cultivating awe and savouring the good stuff in life during this festive season. I wish you every blessing, and look forward to journeying with you in 2024!

P.S. If you're interested in finding out about my journey to heal and reclaim joy in Christmas after longstanding emotional abuse, my book - Reclaiming Christmas - is available at Amazon in ebook, paperback and audio versions. Spoiler alert - it has a happy ending!! You can find the Amazon links here: https://www.damselnotindistress.co.uk/books.